Everything's Better With Perry
by BJXCBFOREVER
Summary: Phineas and Ferb aren't the only two people who think Perry is so great. A songfic, I suppose.


**Everything's Better With Perry**

**I don't own Phineas and Ferb. Dan Povenmire and Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh do.**

…

Perry's eyes opened as he heard the buzzing from his watch. Checking to see if any of the Flynn-Fletcher family members were watching, Perry stood on his hind legs and pulled out his fedora; placing it upon his head. He pressed one foot down on one of the wooden boards that made up the floor. The board flipped around and Perry was launched into his lair; falling into his little red seat. He adjusted his fedora as the screen blinked on.

Major Francis Monogram's face appeared and Perry smiled. "Good morning, Agent P." Monogram greeted with a smile. "Now, on with your mission…"

…

Heinz Doofenshmirtz frowned and groaned as he got up from his nice, warm bed; clad in his purple bathrobe. Who knocked on his door this early in the morning? Doofenshmirtz opened his door and sighed. "Oh, hello, Perry the Platypus. What're you doing here? You're early."

Perry raised an eyebrow, then pointed to his watch. Doofenshmirtz glanced at it. "Wha-? You mean I got up late? Oh…But I'm not even _dressed yet. _I mean, the inator's all good and ready…" An idea burst into his head. "Hey! How 'bout you help me get ready? That way, I can get ready faster and you can defeat me faster. It's win-win."

Perry's eyes became half-lidded.

Mistaking this for something else, Heinz smiled. "See? Knew you'd like that idea!" He grabbed Perry's hand and pulled him towards the bathroom.

Doofenshmirtz threw Perry into the bathroom while he went to bedroom, getting a lab coat and his usually outfit. Oh, what new way of defeating Heinz would Perry come up with today? Heinz knew his nemesis would win at the end of the day, but that was the fun part.

Trying and failing. Trial and error.

Of course, over the years of fighting, Heinz had come to, at least, respect Perry enough to make up some lines to say to him. After all, he didn't want to risk looking like a fool in front of the only person- or _thing, _for that matter- to listen to him.

Yes, today would be like every other day. Evil, yet enjoyable.

_We consider everyday a plus,_

_To spend it with the platypus,_

_We're always so ecstatic,_

_Cause he's semi-aquatic._

Monogram finished giving Agent D his mission. He breathed out through his nose and went over to his desk. Two picture frames were propped on top. One picture was of his wife, the other was with him and Perry; when Perry was just a baby. Monogram was holding him as they both smiled at the camera. Monogram picked this picture up and a thoughtful smile was born upon his face. Perry had been a pain at first, but Monogram had warmed up to him; and even Carl noticed that the major had began treating Perry like gold. Monogram had allowed him to sleep in his room instead of the agent's rooms (while Perry still lived at the agency) and had regular 'tea time' with him.

_Our Ornithorhynchus anatinus,_

_Brings smiles to the both of us,_

_Life's never fuddy-duddy,_

_With our web-footed buddy,_

Doofenshmirtz kept his teeth on his display, but kept them together, as Perry moved the toothbrush over them. The doctor then opened his mouth as Perry brushed at his lower set of teeth.

_When we're brushing our teeth (ooh)- it's better,_

Perry knelt down and tied Heinz's left shoe while the doctor worked at the right one.

_Tying our shoes, (Oh, yeah)- it's better,_

Heinz sat back as Perry sent the comb through his hair. The platypus frowned as he did so. He was an agent, not a babysitter! He wasn't supposed to make sure Heinz was ready before destroying his invention.

_Combing our hair- it's better,_

Perry didn't know how, but, suddenly, Monogram and Heinz were holding him; moving side to side, like Phineas and Ferb had done one time. Both men realized that the other was there and scowled at each other while Perry watched them nervously- not because it could break out into a fight, but because he had no idea where they were.

_Like we're a cheese sandwich and he's the cheddar,_

Monogram gazed at the image some more. That platypus had helped him quite a lot, now that he thought about it. He would help the major get rid of those nasty, bloodshot eyes,

_Blinking our eyes, (oh, yeah)- it's better,_

There were the times where Monogram was overcome by stress and Perry would chatter to him, then sit him down and pat his back; his own way of telling him to take deep breaths.

_Breathing in and out, (so much better)- it's better,_

The platypus would help Monogram relax by laying down and curling up on his lap while the man sat in his favourite armchair; rubbing his face. Monogram would feel the warmth on his legs and see the platypus, staring at him with those big, brown eyes, and know that tomorrow wouldn't be as bad as today. Then he'd smile and stroke the platypus' fur affectionately.

_Sitting in a chair- it's better,_

And then, of course, there were the moments where Agent P would need a bath. Monogram remembered having to practically wrestle Agent P into the bathtub. Honestly, for a semi-aquatic mammal, that platypus just didn't like bath time! But, whenever Perry had a bath, it'd be like Monogram was having a bath too; considering how roughly Perry would shake the water from his fur.

_And taking a bath- just a little bit wetter!_

Once again, Perry was confused. How did he go from helping Doofenshmirtz find the TV remote to being held up in the air, like a toddler, by said doctor while Heinz and Monogram danced; standing next to each other and rocking their hips to the beat of some music? Monogram had his arms spread out, singing in a pitch Perry didn't know a grown man could get to. And, somehow, Heinz and Monogram had changed from their usual outfits to orange shirts and white trousers.

Nevertheless, Perry felt strangely…happy. He'd felt happy when Phineas and Ferb had done this, and that happiness was back; but he was now with Doofenshmirtz and Monogram.

_Everyday is such a dream,_

_When you start it with a monotreme,_

_He's duckbilled and he's beaver tailed and hairy! (You know that he's hairy!)_

Monogram and Doofenshmirtz smiled, thinking on how their lives had changed since meeting the semi-aquatic mammal. Monogram had gotten a good friend and employee and Doofenshmirtz had gotten his nemesis and frenemy.

_Everything's better with Perry!_

_(Everything's better with Perry)_

_Everything's better with Perry!_

_(Everything's better with Perry)_

_Everything is better with Perry!_

_(Everything is better, everything is better with Perry)_

_Everything is better and we_

_Just want to tell you, Perry,_

"Ok, Perry the Platypus," Heinz said. "Now that that's done." He suddenly took a remote from his pocket and pressed the button, and a cage came down from above; trapping Perry inside. "I can tell you my new scheme." And Doofenshmirtz went on, telling Perry yet another emotionally-scarring back-story.

Perry would admit, he had grown to truly dislike Heinz's parents. Heinz wasn't his friend, but no child would have to be treated with such little respect like Heinz. And making Heinz do a lawn gnome's job- now that was just cruel!

At the end of the story, Heinz sighed. "Yeah…Thanks for listening, by the way, Perry the Platypus. Really means a lot."

Perry saluted to him.

Monogram stared at the picture of he and Perry. Monogram had almost felt like a parent toward the little guy. He'd taught that platypus how walk and nod to certain questions and how to drive a hover car. His day was brightened when he saw Perry in his lair- and vice versa.

The doors to his office opened and Perry walked in, clutching a piece of paper. He handed it to Major Monogram and the major read through Perry's report on Doofenshmirtz. "Wow, that quick, huh?"

Perry nodded. No hassle to defeat Heinz today.

Monogram smiled and gave him a thumbs up. "Nice work, Agent P."

_Everything's better with you,_

_(Better with you)_

…

Author's note:

I came up with this ages ago, but never got the time to write it down. I'm tired, so there's probably some mistakes in there somewhere. Oh, well.

But, yeah. Doof and Monogram both love Perry.

Perry and Doof are frenemies- whether he's a platypus or a human.

Perry and Monogram have this pet-owner thing going on. Though, obviously, if Perry were human, they'd have more of a father-son thing.

You can use your imagination to figure out Doof's scheme and back-story. I'm tired, so I can't be bothered.

I know the parts with Doof and MM dancing with Perry probably aren't supposed to be in songfic, but I just had to. I can actually imagine it happening.

Hope you liked.


End file.
